Gray

something wasn't right .

she could feel it in her chest .

she was nervous , anxious almost . . .

she went over the text in her head again and again .

it read " my escape won't be hard to clean up ."

what did that mean ?

Escape ?

what escape ? what was she running from ?

these thoughts stayed with her while she half heartedly did her job .

she impatiently waited on the last customer exactly 4

hours after she'd gotten the message .

she checked her phone for the flashing green light that signaled

a reply , but it wasn't there . .

she grabbed her keys , her coat and belted for the exit . .

the only thing louder than her boots slamming the pavement

was her heart's beating . . . getting louder by the second .

she hardly minded the patch of black ice that threw her to

the ground , she was too anxious to feel pain . she didn't even

mind the 30mph winds licking her bare flesh . . . all she wanted

was to get home to her .

the normal 6 minute drive took only seconds , it seemed . .

she burst through the front door and screamed her name

" SKY! "

all she heard back was the cruel cackle of deafening silence .

the house was completely empty a striking difference from

its normal lively , almost obnoxious , atmosphere .

she didn't know why but tears started to stream down her cheeks .

something wasn't right .

she took the 17 stairs so slowly , one by one ,

as if when she got to the top,

she'd meet her death .

But what she saw when she got to the top was worth

than the hooded figure carrying the scythe .

Her best friend's door was slightly open , music seeping through

the crack . . the song ? " Alice " by the Cocteau Twins .

With shaking hands and tears now falling freely from her eyes ,

she pushed open the door and found an extremely pale Sky , fast asleep .

She breathed a sigh of relief , but not before checking . . .

checking what ?

well , you see , her and Sky had a little game they used to play .

when they were young , they would fall asleep next to one another , sometimes

in each others arms .

oh , back to their game . well , there was a little girl in their class who lost her

mother. nobody knows how she died . they just knew she didn't wake up .

She and Sky would take turns placing their hands on each other's chest

to see if they were still breathing when sleeping .

Now , almost 13 years later , she walked , stumbled and fell . . . then crawled

to Sky's bed . With eyes too clouded with tears to see , she put her hand

on her chest and waited for her hand to rise up and down , but it didn't .

Her eyes opened wide , her voice , a shrill whisper . She touched Sky's face and it

was wet . She shook her head and laughed . No , there was no way in Hell .

This wasn't happening . . .

and then she saw it . . .

the auburn vial .

half its contents removed . . .

Skylehr Moore was the name on the label . . .

Her eyes which were normally a warm brown were now a deep black .

She couldn't walk , the weight of what she was afraid had taken place 4 hours

and 36 minutes ago was sitting on her chest , so she crawled towards the vial

and picked it up . the drugs named screamed back at her . . .

Zolpidem . For Insomnia .

and thats when they came . . .

the shrill , hoarse , piercing wails . . .

she fell to the ground . . . her insides raw and numb .

she didn't mind when the drawer's sharp edge met the back of her head

because it was then she plunged into darkness . . .

the shadows holding her like a baby . . .

the world was no longer in color . . . . it was . . .

I'm Not Fighting Anymore . I Surrender .

I always root for the underdog .
Shit , in most cases I AM the underdog .
The one who has unpopular views ;
The most hated ;
The different one ;
The one who does't give 2 _fucks about the "in" crowd .

The Underdog has its ^positives
For example . . . nobody is watching you .
Nobody cares about you .
Nobody knows you .

The Underdog also has its negatives.
For example . . . nobody is watching you .
Nobody cares about you .
Nobody knows you .

The Underdog is the girl who smokes before class . .
The girl who is afraid to love because it always
ends in misunderstanding .
The one who never wins the game of " popularity ."
The girl who hides behind the bitch in herself
just to make it through the day .

But ask any Underdog this question " are you happy ? "
and she'll say yes . . . because as confusing as it may
seem , the underdog always comes out on top ....

I'm talkin - Doctors , Lawyers , Owners , CEOs of shit .

This Underdog is well on her way to success WITHOUT
the popularity vote . . fuck the " traditional " way .

My way is better .

ALWAYS . . . root for the underdog .

Turtle .

She sat in her room in the corner of apartment number 12
on the 13th floor of 13th street apartments with the widows open ,
not because she was hot , but because she
was smoking . . .
she had stared at his pictures for hours
and hours . . . flipping through pages in
her mind . . . pages filled with the images
of their love . . . back when they were happy .

Every time she smiled , he'd whistle . . her
bright eyes opened more and more each time
she heard that little whistle and saw that
cheeky , sly little grin . . . if you
wanna call it a grin .

but now here eyes were bloodshot .
was it the crying ? or was it the high ?

" it was both ." she decided .

" Mary Jane would never leave me. " she
thought aloud . . . all of a sudden
she closed her eyes and she saw him . . .

he was standing at the end of the
hall where she met him . . . hat covering
most of his face . . he looked , well sad .
alone . . a loner . a sad loner .

she smiled at him . all of a sudden
he had this urge to whistle . . . her
smile did it to him . .

as she sat in her room , tears streaming
down her face . . she heard it . . loud and clear

a high pitched , singy songy little toon . . .
like the tinkle of the Salvation Army Santa's bell . .
standing at the end of the hall . . where she met him

the sounds came closer , clearer even . .

she ran to the window where she could her it best . .

she looked out . . she saw him . . .
she smiled . . . (and she's sure she heard him whistle)
so she jumped .
she waited for him to catch her down at the
bottom of her 13 story apartment building , but
she met nothing but cold concrete .

hours earlier , " he " had been struck and killed
by an oncoming vehicle while crossing 13th street . .
to get to the corner where
13th street apartments stood . he was looking for
apartment number 12.

he was coming to tell her he couldn't
stop seeing her smile . . . even when he closed
his eyes . . he had come to tell her he loved her .

this isn't my job . im not getting paid for this .

Dear Same-Old ,

I have a question . . . no , more like a demand .

lay off .

go die .

commit suicide .

That " jank " , that " bootycall " that " chick on the side " your bragging
about ? you see ? she's my world . . . she's my best friend . she'd do ANYTHING
for me and I'd do the same for her . . . but what i WON'T do is your
goddamn motherFUCKING job .

Stop lying to her , stop setting her up . . . stop building things up just to break her down . I can't . . . no . . i WON'T stand for it anymore . . If you're a player , thats fine , just don't do it on my time . Because , you see , when you DON'T text her or you DON'T call her . . . I GET THE MOTHERFUCKING CALL ! her tears , her screams her cries they fall on ME .

Not to mention my own heartbreak . . . but NOW , i have to fix YOUR goddamn mistake . . .

When I see her cry , I start to imagine all of the things I want to do to you.

should i start by cutting you're dick off ?

no , how about your tongue so you can't sling that BULLSHIT anymore . . .

then , i'd stab you in YOUR heart so you MIGHT understand how she feels .

Dear Same-Old .

I can handle mine , I'm a tough bitch , been through it all , but what i WILL NOT
stand for is you killing my friend .

Sincerely,
The MadameAssassin

Religious Much ?

No . I'm not a Christian . I don't believe in God , Jesus or the Bible . This does not make me an Atheist . I do believe in a ^{higher being} , I just agree with the teachings of another religion . " Why " , you ask ? There are several reasons . For one , the most judgmental and hateful , spiteful people I have ever met happened to be hard core Christians . They based their hate and rejection on scriptures and quotes they got from a book they don't even know who wrote . They judge others and say they are " hell bound " for exercising their right to do as they damn well please . How are you going to consider being gay a sin , yet make up excuses as to why a man can beat on his wife ? Just because you're " saved " doesn't make you better than anyone else .

what am I ?

this is the first time ive decided to reveal my religion . Not because im afraid or embarrassed , i just feel its a touchy subject . buuuuuttt i am a BUDDHIST . there . now you know .

Weeds.

I hate men . No , not really . I just hate most of them . . . maybe a good 80% I mean they smile , they say all the right things , they make you feel special . . . . they just . . well , charm the dog shit out of you .

Oh . and im harrddd to get to . I can tell in an instant if Im attracted or if I never have to see speak or hear from you again .

Walls . Im a huge fan of those . I build mine extremely high . I mean , dude , you'd have to get like 6 ladders just to get over it , or you could just knock it down . . . or If I like you enough , Ill let it down . . . but lately , i feel like my wall has been attacked , ambushed , bombed . . . bleh .

Men are weeds . I am a flower . I can't grow because these men keep inhibiting my progress . I need the right man to come and pick them .

I have a question . How do you all sleep at night ? like . . . how do you FUCK a girl over and then sleep at night ? Like how do you use her , lie to her and then expect her to be your friend ? Are you an idiot ?

AND THEN .

you have the NERVE to call me bitter . . . little boy . . . please . Go be up new chick's ass and leave me alone . Don't ask to be my friend , nd nah , dude . we aint " cool " . Truth is ? I probably wouldn't care if i EVER hear from you again . #JadeLynnShrug .

- Signed ,
The Flower .

Make Up Freak . ¬_¬

I get loads of questions about my make up and what i use so , ill post it . . kay ?

- dream matte mouse foundation/powder ( Maybelline )

- Line and Lash Stiletto eye liner and Mascara ( Maybelline )

- Fairest Nude Lipstick ( Loreal )

those are the every day basics . now stop asking me : )